Tech

Welcome to my technology page. Here you will find important info to keep up with todays computer industry. With all the new hardware and software I make sense of it all explaining step by step all the workings of cyberspace. If at anytime you feel confused just e-mail me. I respond to every single e-mail I get. So I hope you learn a thing or two here, now go learn the ways of the force!

Tip of the day: "Turn on the computer before using" - Silinux

Your PC

Before I start explaining the good stuff for advanced users I'll explain the basics for beginners, though advanced users might learn a thing or two. First you need to learn the basic components of computers and how they work, along with all the complex terminology. To the right you see a basic computer, it looks like a bunch of boxes and switches. So looking at it duesn't help explain it. But if you look at the analogy below you might get a better understanding of the computer.

The Internet

Now that you know how your computer at home works you need to learn how it connects to other computer. I do not currently have an analogy for the internet, but hopefully I soon will. So this explanation will have to do, the internet is lots of computers connected to each other through wires forming a "web" of tangled computer wires that create a huge mess so it takes hours to download a single picture. This "web" was originally supposed to be a information "highway" which it is not. But it is currently being worked on by computer geeks. There leader, Bill Gates, has been hard at work on internet connection problem and says he is committed to his vision of MS-USA where everyone will have access to "information" (aka porn) any where and any time ...umm...well forget that I'll just define all the acronyms scattered about cyberspace.

ISDN
It Still Does Nothing

APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

DOS
Defunct Operating System

CD-ROM
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

WWW
World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

		Internet Edict

		Follow these examples to be the smoothest and most confident on-line chatter on the net.



		Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f...... manual) to show that they're "hep" to the lingo. Make up your own that don't stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for ("You don't know? RTFM").



		WRITE ALL YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON'T USE PERIODS OR RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!!! AND DDOOUUBBLLEESS TO SHOW THAT YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!!!!!!!



		When replying to your mail, correct everyone's grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don't otherwise respond to the content of their messages. When they respond testily to your 'creative criticism," do it again. Continue until they go away.



		Software and files offered on-line are often "compressed" so that it won't take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compression program and compress everything you send, including one-word E-mail responses like "Thanks."



		Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give them names like "SexyHouseWives," then see how many people download them. Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-on. Take bets and calculate odds on the results of each upload's popularity.



		cc: all your E-mail to Al Gore (vice.president@whitehouse.gov) so that he can keep track of what's happening on the information Superhighway Internet.



		Join a discussion group, and tie whatever's being discussed back to an unrelated central theme of your own. For instance, if you're in a discussion of gun control, respond to every message with the observation that those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have played an important role. Within days, all discussion of gun control will have ceased as people write you threatening messages and instruct all other members to ignore you.